for whatever reason i get drunk on nostalgia, bitter sweet hope, and contentment occasionally. my heart seems to swell and grow and my chest gets light. my breathing will then get a little bit shorter and i'll feel a cool fall breeze blow through my lungs. i'll feel empowered, warm, ready, excited, invigorated. and then i'll look around and i'll crash. i don't know why i crash. but i crash. abruptly nearly every selfish beauty i had felt and seen in that moment vanishes and the reality, as cold and hard as concrete, is back. rest, eat, work, and fight like hell for every spare minute you can give to the ones you love.

i find myself revisiting my past a lot. i look back at the things i used to do. the people i associated with. and then i look at what we were so fascinated with. i'll see that youthful optimism that could take something as useless as trading cards or video games and i'll see that we kids could turn it into the coolest thing on the planet.  i don't want to say i miss being a kid or i miss playing cards. i can't say i want to be young again or do anything over. i love who i'm with in my life right now and where we're at, almost, and there isn't anything i'd trade to give it up.

but there's this little voice inside of me that is selfish and greedy and is always asking for a 'little bit more'. and i want to listen to that voice. i want to find a way to pursue the various beauties of the world more than i do. i want to dive deep into writing. i want to make beautiful music with anyone who has a desire to do so. i want to sit in a park and day dream. i want to waste hours holed up in a room watching a marathon of movies with good friends. i want to strap on a goofy XBOX headset and play video games with my friends. i want to look at the fads of my childhood, not scoff, and instead just give myself back over to that stupid filterless optimism that i had when i was 11.

i want to sleep in. i want to spend an entire day doing nothing. worrying about nothing. i want to feel ok doing that. i want to have great friends over every once in awhile for an honest-to-God-no-fake-smiles kind of good time.

i want a fresh start that is textured with how rich of a life this world has given me.

...It is not. Every Thursday (except those times when I am late, and hopefully not too often!) I post a prompt on the fitzandfool group I'm a part of! I'm too lazy to find the link so go into my user info and find the group through there. Very intelligent and fun bunch full of fantastic insight and warm comraderie.

 Hope all is well with you readers.

i'm no longer a teenager but i can't say i feel old, not yet.

i saw hp6 today and...so many things should have been done better, not even as a fan of the books, but as a fan in general of films. i want to do things like that i think. i want to be a part of some greater creativity that will be seen by a large audience and they will say 'you know what? i really liked what he/she/they did there.'

maybe one day eh?

Is there anybody out there that actually stops by my journal and glances through it? I'd love to know if you are. I'm looking to connect and forge relationships be it online or in my real life. It'd just be nice to know somebody is reaching back.

A snapshot into my life is all you guys will get out of this entry. I'm currently losing myself in the literature of Robin Hobb ("Fools Errand") and actively participating in the "Fitz and Fool" LJ group on here based off of her novels. It really adds a whole dimension to this experience. I'm sort of bummed that entries I post on those groups don't appear on my own journal as well.

Makes me look inactive :P.

I joined a Robin Hobb based community on here and I'm real excited about it. I love the books so much and getting to discuss it with people really makes me happy. On another note my fiance and I may have found the home we will buy :). Keep us in your thoughts.

I want more than this.
I want more than constant bickering.
I want more than a 45 hour work week.
I want more than the feeling of sedated placidity as I sit around my free time.

Maybe I need a vacation.
Maybe I need some changes.

I want culture. I want experiences. I want adventure and passion. I want the feeling of closeness and togetherness. I want to lay on my back and look up at the infinite and be able to have a serious conversation with a close friend.

I don't want to feel judged or pushed around. Worst of all I hate how right I feel about all of this.

I want the assurance of equality amongst friends. I hate feeling like the lesser of a group. I hate it and hate it so much. I

I think I'd like a good group of friends that accept me as me and want to be a part of my life.

I want to take advantage of the people out there who ARE like that whose relationship I continually abuse.
 

I just saw The Hangover for the second time. Fun, adventurous, and exciting bro-mantic comedies always remind me of what I haven't got. Who knew they could make me think this deep hm?
 

Hey there,

It's me again. Just droppin' in to see how everyone is doing. I'm doing...alright...going through some stuff I don't really want to put too much thought into (dealing with future in laws, mainly). But even with that crap going on I've found a lovely refuge in a few wonderful people from the GW_DARK community and, more specifically, their roleplay website: One mask for another.

http://s1.zetaboards.com/GW_Masquerade/index/ 

Definitely go check it out. It's a realistic and mature Gundam Wing roleplay site and, aside from how awesome and literate everyone is, we all get together and have fantastic chat sessions. There's a real sense of community there! SO definitely go give it a check. I'm "Damon Strider" on the forum.

And aside from that I've been working and dabbling in voice acting and mostly missing everyone on here. Leave me some love in the comments! I know someone reads this stuff!

http://www.fanfiction.net/~thejasonresno 

Heh and check out my fics!

Peace and Love

I know someone has got to have read my journal at some point..so if you're here...why not leave a comment? Just let me know you are out there! I want to connect with you guys. Build friendships with other fans and really feel a part of the fandom. So don't be shy :)

And to everyone out there: I am ALWAYS looking for a good Gundam based roleplay so if you ever need someone, I'm you're man. Just leave a comment here.

So here I am sitting at work again. It's a quarter to two and I don't get off til seven. The shop is dead. My only coworker is in the back of the store brewing wine and the puppy she brings to work is sleeping in it's cage. The fans are going and it's only getting hotter outside. Just five more hours and I'll be free for three days in a row. You have to know that I haven't had that big of a stretch of free time in such a long time. I have no idea what I'm going to do the whole time. I might actually get some writing done and maybe even get a shot at getting in my pool for the first time of the summer.

But in any event that's enough about me. I joined livejournal to connect myself to a wide array of people with similar interests or even wildly different interests. So comment and let me know about ya.

Hey there guys. This is ~thejasonresno (under the guise of "thequietcliche") and I'm just dropping in to make my first post. I'm getting situated here and trying to make myself comfortable. I've never really done the whole "journal" thing in a serious fashion so this is new to me.

Just a bit of what you guys can expect from me:
-Reviews on films, music, and television.
-My opinions on hot topics and recent affairs.
-My various fictional writing (both of the fanfiction variety as well as my own original work)
-Pictures, videos, music and other creative endeavors I pursue.

So yeah for now I think that's going to be it. I joined the Gundam Wing 500 group and plan to start participating so that should be a ton of fun..

http://www.fanfiction.net/~thejasonresno
-That is a link to my fanfiction (mostly Gundam Wing).

http://www.myspace.com/yourcatalystrock
-That is a link to my band (I play the drums).